Don't Believe the Hype

"Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women" By Christine B. Whelan

Nothing makes for a more interesting conversation that when single women (*read single American women) in their late 20s and above (especially the successful ones) talk about their inability to find a suitable mate. Then the myths burst out: If you attended a good school and have a graduate degree, men would be less interested in you. If you have a high powered job and are a top earner, they are less likely to want to date you. If you are a strong woman with career aspirations and big dreams of success, men would be intimidated by you. Therefore if you are what Christine Whelan calls a SWANS (Strong Women Achievers No Spouse), you are overqualified for love and less likely to get married.

Whelan in her book, "Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women," totally turns conventional wisdom on its head. Armed with extensive data from her original research and from the U.S. Census Bureau, Whelan debunks the myths surrounding SWANS. Working women between the ages of 28 and 35 with an income of more than $55,000 per year or with a graduate degree are just as likely to be married as other women who work full time. More than half of married women with graduate degrees are married to men without graduate degrees. (So much for men being intimidated by highly educated women). SWANS in the their late 30s are more likely to get married than their less accomplished counterparts. Thirty-five-year-old women with graduate degrees have a 25 percent higher chance of being married at age 40 than women without graduate degrees. Women without a college degree are about twice as likely to be divorced as better educated women.

Now here's the kicker: what men say they want. Seventy-one percent of high achieving men said a woman's success and career make her more desirable. Ninety-two percent of men who describe themselves as successful say they are more attracted to women with successful careers. Eighty-nine percent of highly successful men say they'd like to marry or are already married to women who are as or more intelligent than they are. Bottom line? High achieving men say they are interested in SWANS for three main reasons: intelligence, self-confidence and ambition.

Source: Why Smart Women Marry Smart Men

But you wouldn't know this from the way some SWANS behave having bought the hype. It is amazing how these otherwise accomplished women who earn so much more and are much more educated than their peers seem to display a lack of self confidence when it comes to finding a life partner. Some have devised strategies for dumbing down their success when dating. There is the doctor who will tell guys she is a nurse, or the dentist who simply says she works in health care or the lawyer who never admits she is an attorney.

And just how did the conventional wisdom about the marriage prospects of SWANS become so wrong and so popular? Whelan blames two prominent successful women and the media for perpetuating the hype and scaring young women. Economist Sylvia Ann Hewlett in her 2002 book "Creating a Life" cited research that suggested that high achieving women were not marrying and having children at the same rates as other women. She concluded that SWANS who were single at the age of 30 had less than a 10 percent chance of ever getting married. Noted New York Times Columnist Maureen Dowd, in her 2005 book, "Are Men Necessary?" wrote that her being successful ruined her chances with men. She argued that men were more interested in marrying domesticated women and not intellectual equals.

So what if you are a SWANS? What is a girl to do? Whelan draws upon interviews with SWANS and men alike. The book is replete with true stories of SWANS who decided to be true to themselves and things seemed to fall in place. Don't believe the hype. Just be yourself. There is obviously someone out there for everyone. And the best thing you have going for you as a SWANS is that you have options. Start choosing. And maybe its time to investigate the real reason why you are still single if you'd rather not be. It just may be how you conduct your relationships and not because men are intimidated by your success.

*The research in this book refers to American women and uses U.S. census data.